Jack And Jill Did Not Go Up The Hill, After All..
She is my first true friend. Let us call her Jill. We met in our first year in college. We both were young and opposite in nature. Jill was tall, fair and very, very attractive. She had short hair and an open smile. She was very smart and seemed to know her mind well. I had never seen her seeking attention but where ever we went, she invariably got it. I basked in her glory and tried to be like her. In the course of our friendship I found her falling in love with a guy. We will call him Jack. She shared her first emotions of love with me. Later I witnessed her feelings growing strong for this guy. Jack was not the kind, I would not have liked for my friend. He was a typical flirt with a reputation. He was known to play around with girls then moved on quite ruthlessly.
Initially they shared a mild interest in each other, nothing earth shattering. But slowly as they came close they had a great need for each other. Jill changed. We still met but now it was all about Jack. She was madly and irreparably in love. I also came to know Jack. He was changing too. He was falling in love too. Like all love stories, Jill’s conservative parents came to know about it. She was barred from going out on her own. There was always a chaperon. As collage was over, it was not impossible to keep her under house arrest.
Initially they shared a mild interest in each other, nothing earth shattering. But slowly as they came close they had a great need for each other. Jill changed. We still met but now it was all about Jack. She was madly and irreparably in love. I also came to know Jack. He was changing too. He was falling in love too. Like all love stories, Jill’s conservative parents came to know about it. She was barred from going out on her own. There was always a chaperon. As collage was over, it was not impossible to keep her under house arrest.
The distance made them stronger. Jack was determined to be with Jill. Jill was desperate with out Jack. When ever they got a few moments on the phone, they committed to each other over and over again. But those moments were few and far. Jack got rest less and frustrated. The stories of him seeing other girls circulated. On her part Jill totally trusted her boy friend. But was still flustered by the gossip that some how managed to reach her. I could see Jack was fooling around. A couple of times his excuses sounded lame. But to his credit it seemed like mere time pass then any thing else. He was totally besttoed with Jill.
One fine day , when things were as thick as could be between them, it happened. Jack got engaged to a girl of his mother’s choice. To say the least, Jill was devastated. Their love story had never run smooth. But this was too much. Thank fully, as Jill hardly socialised, she could hide for days, before she would be strong enough to face this world. The only thing I told her to console was that Jack never could match her class. I sincerely had felt that from the beginnng.
One fine day , when things were as thick as could be between them, it happened. Jack got engaged to a girl of his mother’s choice. To say the least, Jill was devastated. Their love story had never run smooth. But this was too much. Thank fully, as Jill hardly socialised, she could hide for days, before she would be strong enough to face this world. The only thing I told her to console was that Jack never could match her class. I sincerely had felt that from the beginnng.
Soon enough Jill left for her sister’s place. I got married and shifted base. While I got domesticated ,I totally lost touch with her. After good ten years of marriage, I chanced upon Jack. At first I could not recognise him. He was fat and had grey beard. He looked tired and old. Has it been that long? It seemed like yesterday. The first thing he asked me ‘Are you in touch with Jill?’ We both talked. I realised I needed to know his side of the story.
He was married to the same person he had gotten engaged to. The reason he gave for his action was, as his younger sister ran away with her class mate and his father died with the shock, he had to agree to marry who ever his mother chose. He confessed he was not happy with his wife. He said he was still is in love with Jill. Leaving her was the biggest mistake of his life. Given a chance he would like to make up for it. He had to go through a lot of grind as, after his father’s untimely death he was not mentally ready to take on the world. On top of that there was no money left. From a rich man’s only son, he became a rich man with no money.
Cut to present, he was doing well financially, has two kids and a wife who loves him to death. But he still can not get over his past. Emotionally he was still standing where he was, when he parted from Jill. Afterr his marriage, which he believed would be the end of all his personal problems, he realised marriage was just the beginning. He tried to get in touch with Jill, who vanished from the face of earth. By the time he could locate her, she was already engaged to be married soon.
Jack was bitter and had lost all of his earlier boyish charms. He was never a great looker but he had his personality working for him. He use to look after himself and stayed in touch with the happening world. Now he looked a sad version of his old self. He was smoking and needed a hair cut. He some how managed to keep track of Jill, who was married with kids and live abroad.
I realised how much I had missed Jill. Luckily this vacation when I went to mom’s place, I called up Jill’s old no. Two seconds and she was there at the other end. As luck would have it, she was on a short trip home. She was leaving the next day. We decided to meet up at the new coffee shop round the corner. When she walked in she looked straight from collage days. She was wearing a tattered jean and pink sleeveless top. She still managed to turn a few heads her way. We started talking. I asked her what has been happening to her?
I was taken aback by her honesty. She admitted to being heart broken after Jack got engaged. It was as much from the engagement as from the fact that jack never told her any thing about it. She learnt it from a third party. His engagement came as a shock. She was not ready for some thing like that. It was not as if she was not aware of the miss-fortunes happening in Jack’s life. (Read, his sister running away and father dying with shock.) She still remembered how Jack had cried on the phone after his father’s death. she understood the situation. But his decision not to inform her about his engagement made some thing snap in her. It takes one moment to make or break a life time of commitment.
Jill realised, here was a man so selfish in his thought that he could not understand the impact his action would have, on the one person, he claimed to love the most. She said at first she felt numb. Her heart was not accepting what her mind had observed. The not so funny part at this time was Jack still followed her every where like nothing had happened. It was then she decided to leave the city and go to her sister’s place. Her sister was working at that time. Once she left for office, Jill would sit and recall every detail of her past. Her memories were unbearable at first. She could not face them and cried most of time. She would cry on the bed, she would cry in the shower and also while making dinner. She told herself this was her time and these were the days she never wanted to live again. So why not enjoy it while it lasted? Enjoying does not mean she cried and did not feel the pain. Enjoying the pain meant never rushing the process of feeling hurt. Earlier she would feel the pain crushing her heart and immediately change her track with a good book or sleep. Now she soaked it in. She tried to physically experience what ever was happening to her emotionally. She started to mentally register how it felt. Next she relaxed her mind and relaxed her entire being. It was not easy and took quite some time. But she managed to reach a point where she was able to fasten the process of feeling the excruciating pain then training to relax.
It took hours and hours of patience and the need to remember and recognise every minute detail that caused the pain. Then slowly letting it go. It tired her nerves and tempered her breathing. It exhausted her emotionally but was calming to a great extent. It was a combination of meditation and self therapy. She talked to herself a lot. She had long meetings with her soul and searched for the questions that she had no answers of then. She turned into a lawyer and presented her case to her broken heart .The deception was so deep that at times she worried that it would change her nature for ever. The one person who you loved and trusted most actually shot you with a double barrel gun. But like they say, life is greater than a person, any person. If you are true to your essence, you get a second, a third chance. The only positive thing out of all this was she grew up.
The reason she was made a fool was, not because she was stupid or gullible. But because Jack was not strong enough. The reason she loved and lost was not that she did not love well. Rather it was because Jack was not the person she believed he was. It was his weakness and not her lack of strength that caused the break up. He could not respect her enough to think of her dignity and there was no way she could have stopped it from happening. She learnt to respect herself again and was not upset with life any more. She stopped questioning her instinct and did not discard it out of her now improved self.
I was taken aback by her honesty. She admitted to being heart broken after Jack got engaged. It was as much from the engagement as from the fact that jack never told her any thing about it. She learnt it from a third party. His engagement came as a shock. She was not ready for some thing like that. It was not as if she was not aware of the miss-fortunes happening in Jack’s life. (Read, his sister running away and father dying with shock.) She still remembered how Jack had cried on the phone after his father’s death. she understood the situation. But his decision not to inform her about his engagement made some thing snap in her. It takes one moment to make or break a life time of commitment.
Jill realised, here was a man so selfish in his thought that he could not understand the impact his action would have, on the one person, he claimed to love the most. She said at first she felt numb. Her heart was not accepting what her mind had observed. The not so funny part at this time was Jack still followed her every where like nothing had happened. It was then she decided to leave the city and go to her sister’s place. Her sister was working at that time. Once she left for office, Jill would sit and recall every detail of her past. Her memories were unbearable at first. She could not face them and cried most of time. She would cry on the bed, she would cry in the shower and also while making dinner. She told herself this was her time and these were the days she never wanted to live again. So why not enjoy it while it lasted? Enjoying does not mean she cried and did not feel the pain. Enjoying the pain meant never rushing the process of feeling hurt. Earlier she would feel the pain crushing her heart and immediately change her track with a good book or sleep. Now she soaked it in. She tried to physically experience what ever was happening to her emotionally. She started to mentally register how it felt. Next she relaxed her mind and relaxed her entire being. It was not easy and took quite some time. But she managed to reach a point where she was able to fasten the process of feeling the excruciating pain then training to relax.
It took hours and hours of patience and the need to remember and recognise every minute detail that caused the pain. Then slowly letting it go. It tired her nerves and tempered her breathing. It exhausted her emotionally but was calming to a great extent. It was a combination of meditation and self therapy. She talked to herself a lot. She had long meetings with her soul and searched for the questions that she had no answers of then. She turned into a lawyer and presented her case to her broken heart .The deception was so deep that at times she worried that it would change her nature for ever. The one person who you loved and trusted most actually shot you with a double barrel gun. But like they say, life is greater than a person, any person. If you are true to your essence, you get a second, a third chance. The only positive thing out of all this was she grew up.
The reason she was made a fool was, not because she was stupid or gullible. But because Jack was not strong enough. The reason she loved and lost was not that she did not love well. Rather it was because Jack was not the person she believed he was. It was his weakness and not her lack of strength that caused the break up. He could not respect her enough to think of her dignity and there was no way she could have stopped it from happening. She learnt to respect herself again and was not upset with life any more. She stopped questioning her instinct and did not discard it out of her now improved self.
So far she had wallowed in self pity, which is a wrong turn to take while healing. She became emotionally stronger. She returned to her old life and made lots of kid friends. They were less demanding and she felt relaxed in their company.
She became the receiver of their selfless love.
Jill smiled to me and all of a sudden the entire place lit up. We ordered two more glasses of cold coffee. The friend in me needed to know how she was doing now? How she felts about Jack at this point of time. She spoke again with a smile on her face. When she talked about her husband, we would call him John, she looked confident and happy. She said when she met John she had no plans to fall in love again. Yet some thing about him comforted her senses. She felt as if she needed him in her life. She knew after meeting him a couple of times, he was the one. It was a unique feeling and she had never experienced it before. John felt the same about her and they got married. John's a real man with real feelings. He does not act tough yet there's so much strength in his actions. The one thing that's most required for a relation to last, was the maturity to understand the commitment. She said she was truely happy and held no grudges against any one. In fact she wished Jack well in life.We both giggled like old times. I was happy to get my friend back.
Jill smiled to me and all of a sudden the entire place lit up. We ordered two more glasses of cold coffee. The friend in me needed to know how she was doing now? How she felts about Jack at this point of time. She spoke again with a smile on her face. When she talked about her husband, we would call him John, she looked confident and happy. She said when she met John she had no plans to fall in love again. Yet some thing about him comforted her senses. She felt as if she needed him in her life. She knew after meeting him a couple of times, he was the one. It was a unique feeling and she had never experienced it before. John felt the same about her and they got married. John's a real man with real feelings. He does not act tough yet there's so much strength in his actions. The one thing that's most required for a relation to last, was the maturity to understand the commitment. She said she was truely happy and held no grudges against any one. In fact she wished Jack well in life.We both giggled like old times. I was happy to get my friend back.
======
© ghazala., all rights reserved.
In case you missed...
Some other recent posts by ghazala
© 1998-2008 Copyright Sulekha.com Connecting Indians Worldwide, All Rights Reserved.
Recommend