Today, I broke up with my boy friend. He called me a bitch and I called him a dog. That should make us a perrrfect pair. Jokes apart, while my mind is revolting against my decision to be with him for so long, almost three years, my heart is breaking into countless pieces. There is a kind of slow slithering pain in my stomach. And my limbs feel life less. A sudden hollow is created in my body. As if, some part of my physical being is missing. My head is throbbing tunelessly. And tears are flooding my usually clear mind. While I am standing in my room, my soul is on the floor in a heap. I dragged my whole body with a force called self respect all the way back home.

When he is being strong and logical, why can’t I? Generally we were so a-tuned that, what ever one felt the other experienced the same. We fitted together like two parts of the same puzzle. When, we were together, we were actually together. His smile reached my soul and my soul touched his soul. We were a very talkative, expressive couple. We shared the minutes of details, about each other, about the world. I must confess there was a great deal of physical attraction between us too. It was extra ordinary. I remember the first time I saw him. I was in a group of girls. We had gone for a movie with extra tickets. There were four of us, Neha, Salma, Deepti and me. But we had taken two extra tickets. It was totally Deepti’s idea. The movie was a smash hit. She offered the tickets to the best looking boys in the long queue. There he was with his friend Akaash. They both looked cool in their low jeans and high collars. Akaash was the stud. He was tall and strikingly handsome. And he knew it. When he smiled all three of my friends flipped. It is another story that Puja, the quietest of all finally hooked up to him.

My connection with the other guy was instant. He was the Alexander of my life, he came, he saw and he conquered. During the movie each time by mistake our fingers brushed, while sharing a popcorn basket, we fell in love little by little. Not a single minute of the movie registered on both our minds.

There was an aura about him. He was normal to others but special to me. The physicality of the entire relationship was not healthy. It was over powering. Even after a big fight, and there were many, it took one hug to mend issues. I would hate him in my mind and love him in my heart. Each serious issue would seem like yesterday’s news in his arms. It was like magic, like music, like the movies. Believe me, I was a mere soul in the grand plan of things. I had never felt like this. What was it? How do I know? Who do I ask? Most of my friends were still experiencing puppy love.

I turned to books. Read many a love stories. But is book the right guidance for real life? They invariably have happy endings. I read the endings before the beginning. I had lost all patience to go through the entire story page after page. But I found no respite. Some touched my heart and some touched my soul, but none guided me. None showed me the way.

I finally gave in to the feelings that were ruling me. Why worry about the expiry date of a feeling? They may not last forever but they were beautiful and they were pure. Most importantly they were real and natural. I loved him and he loved me. But that was not enough. Why that is never enough? He had his studies and I had mine. He’s going to USA for MBA. He does not want me to wait for him or any such thing. At least he was brave and honest enough to say that. My respect for him went up a few notches. I accused him that he used me knowing all this while he could not continue in this relationship.  He called me a bitch. He explained this was as much beyond him as mine. It could easily be me who used him. Why he should take the blame just because he is a guy? Then, I called him a dog. We parted with lot of anguish. I felt a part of me was ripped apart. I knew he felt the same. If I had stretched my arm and touched him, we would have ended up loving each other right there and then. But that would not solve our problem. He still has to leave the next day. So even though it broke my heart I let him go. Some love stories are not meant to be, even when you know it would have been the best love story of your life.…..